I only trust myself.

Day 30 .

I’m just disappointed. Many times during the day I picture us doing those cute things a normal couple would do. The cuddling, kissing, hugs, roses and dates. I want a relationship like that. You know how upset it makes me that you wouldn’t even come to my prom? You wouldn’t put aside your ego for my sake. Don’t you think I deserve someone better? I think I do. 

Don’t get me wrong though. I love you more than words can even explain. I’m constantly thinking about you. You mean so much to me. I’m just sick of this stupid shit. I’m beyond frustrated now. If YOU don’t want to lose me then you can message me or come talk to me. 

You have caused enough hurt that now I just don’t have the energy in me to get through this anymore. I would be willing to give up anything just to spend time with you. I’m not doing that anymore. 

I’ve said I’m done countless times only to just to end up trying once more. I’m constantly trying to fix everything. I’m not doing that this time. I’m not interested in a guy who isn’t willing to put in the effort. You don’t care enough about me. And after all the pain you put me through I deserve to be loved. 

Starting today, I’m going to focus on becoming a healthier me. Doing things for my own good. 

I don’t know how much more of this I’ll be able to handle. I feel like leaving. But the other part of me doesn’t want to give up. I’m not the type to get pressured into things. I can’t do it. I rather have you walk away then to lose myself. I hate disappointing you so why should I continue to do that? I can’t change myself for you. I won’t change myself for you. I doubt everything you say. That’s not how healthy relationships are. I don’t think we will ever be together. I think we’re just not destined to. You don’t show me you care. I wish you loved me as much as I love you. Oh well. I’m used to this. Fuck it.